tinted glasses

optimists and pessimists

2011-01-15T22:14:00.003+08:00

"Think positive!", "you can do it!", "Never give up!"--- these are the words that normally should give us the strength to move on after encountering challenges or difficulties in life. Optimism is a human trait that I somehow view as the overall quality of one's life. It is because I feel like it is related to a person's happiness. I think that is the case because I'm generally a pessimist and my distorted tinted glasses has made me very unhappy. For me, good experiences are easily forgotten, while bad experiences cling to my whole being and makes me very pissed. Being a pessimist, I mostly see all the negative sides of everything I encounter. I'm so good at looking for something to criticize that I think that it must be my talent. If it is my God-given talent, I DON'T WANT IT!!!!!! I hate my life because if it!!!!! No matter how I try to "think positively", my pessimistic nature cancels out everything else. Nice going there, me!

God must be a fucking drunk to make optimism/pessimism exist. It must be cool to look at an optimist enjoy his life, while laughing at the pessimist who languishes at the thought of existing. Optimism drives the will to live, pessimism gradually sucks the will to live out of a person. One doesn't need to have a collection of traumatic experiences to be a pessimist... one just has to THINK NEGATIVELY, regardless of his experiences. In short, ANYONE can be an extreme pessimist like me (and a lot of them already are: dead or alive). PUTANG INA YAN!

An optimist can make the most out of life, whether one is suffering from traumatic experiences, or just living out life's simple challenges. One just needs to THINK AND BELIEVE that there is light at the end of the tunnel. And it's not as easy as it looks, if it was, nobody would've wanted to become a pessimist. Lucky you optimists, because of our existence as pessimists, you have good things to look forward to at our expense.

This is how I looked at it through my pessimist tinted glasses. Sucks to be me. FUCK YOU GOD.

positive and negative

2011-01-11T16:30:00.009+08:00

The existence of anything seems to depend on its exact opposite. If there is light, there should be darkness. If there is good, there should be evil. If there is happiness, there should be sadness. If there is heaven, there should be hell. Male and female. Love and Hate. Black and White. If one doesn't exist, the opposite has zero possibility of existing. This is the balance of existence which is the truth in many tinted glasses.

I see a problem with this, though. Reality is, the existence of things have varying degrees of intensity. For example: black and white have shades of gray.

No problem with it? How about Good and Evil? Happiness and Sadness? Hope and Despair? Rich and Poor? Let's look at them in a Number Line:

extremely negative<------------------neutral------------------>extremely positive

For example, let's pit Good and Evil on both ends. We get extreme good and extreme evil (or just very good and very evil). This is the reality of existence in this world. Just as there are relatively good and evil in each and every person, there are also the extremes: really good people like heroes, martyrs, saints, etc.; and really bad people like murderers, rapists, terrorists, plunderers, etc. Now look at what happens with the existence of good and evil on our number line: extreme happiness and sorrow, extreme hope and despair among things that are included in between. This is the balance that exists. And there are victims to prove it. Some people may be lucky not to receive or experience or even do the really bad things, but reality is, A LOT OF PEOPLE GET OR DO THIS CRAP. BECAUSE IT'S POSSIBLE AND IT'S HAPPENED SO MANY TIMES!!!! In the end, if we were to believe God, we either end up in Heaven or in Hell. The Best and the Worst place to be in. Who created this balance? *ehem* God. Thanks to you, people end up either here or there when they die. And you know where each one of us ends up even before we are born, thanks to your Omniscience and your so-called God's Will. Those whose existence are full of extreme sorrow and despair, and still end up in hell. And many of them already are in hell.. and we can't do shit about it. Free Will my ass. My fatalist-defeatist self don't see any good in the fucking reality. We'll rot in hell. Lucky are those who lived a relatively happy life on earth. Lucky you.

This is how I looked at it through my crappy tinted glasses. Sucks to be me. FUCK YOU GOD.

set up to fail (prologue)

2011-01-11T10:57:00.011+08:00

Here's the deal: the universe, the earth, and everything in it were created by God. In comes Adam and Eve for them to dominate it. Then a simple instruction: don't eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. THEN there's this serpent that tempts Eve to eat and she follows it. Adam was then suckered to do it as well. Because of that they were banished from Eden and cursed Mankind with the burden of sin and death. THE END.

What a way to end the story.

I have always wondered that there's something wrong with it since my high school days when we were taught about "Christian Salvation" (coming from a Born Again school). I just can't point it out clearly back then but there's this tingly feeling that there's something shitty about this story. It took a while before it finally hit me. It just came clearly into my mind one sleepless night.

THEY WERE SET UP TO EPIC FAIL. And my demented mind just had to come up with the reasons why: First, the whole restriction thing. Why in the hell would that fucking tree BE THERE in the first place?! The mere fact that a limitation exists means that something wrong CAN happen because of a "possibility" to disobey. Second, the serpent thing. Even though Eden is supposed to be a "paradise," it is not spared from Satan's occupation. Think about it:

"don't do it" command + "do it" temptation = bigger chance of doing it.

The above factors should suffice for some people. But my screwed up mind can't stop there: The question of free will. In school, we were taught that man is capable of three things: intellect (thought), will (decision), and emotion (feeling). This supposedly makes up being created in the image of God. Both Adam and Eve have the ability to decide what is right or wrong based on their thoughts and feelings (and in their case, God's ONLY INSTRUCTION). Some people may say that this is the reason why God shouldn't be blamed for the actions of the idiot couple, but I beg to differ. Free will means THEY CAN screw up. Although they were commanded not to eat it, as they were created to be STUPID ENOUGH TO BE TRICKED INTO DOING IT, it's almost as if God directly put the fruit into their mouths.

"don't do it" command + "do it" temptation + the ability and stupidity to "do it"= almost there

I couldn't stop there. This was the thought that nagged me the whole time: God's Will. Meaning, EVERYTHING HAPPENED. From the creation to the temptation to the disobedience to the curse up until now. It was God's choice that none of the events was prevented or done differently. Think about it. God has the power to influence change during those events. He would've made no restriction in Eden. He would've prevented the serpent from getting into Eden. He would've made the couple a bit wiser to withstand temptation, or even intervened during the attempt by the serpent. Or, instead of banishing and cursing them, a slap in the wrist should be enough (because they were stupid enough in the first place) Why? BECAUSE HE CAN, BUT HE DIDN'T. All because he DIDN'T WANT TO.

"don't do it" command + "do it" temptation + the ability and stupidity to "do it" + God didn't stop any of it= ALL FUCKED UP!!!!

Because he is the wisest being that we can't fully comprehend what his plans are but as a result all we have to do is suffer. Why the hell would he do it? Beats me. Maybe God found it boring if it didn't happen.

Up until now, I have always been consumed by thoughts of everyone's existence is being controlled by God. That our tinted glasses are included in our destinies. That history is full of repeated mistakes. That my life has been this fucked up.

The biggest regret in my life is this: I believe in God and his existence. This is my tinted glass, planted by God for me to suffer.

This is how I looked at it through my tinted glasses. Sucks to be me. FUCK YOU GOD.